I’m a Wit and You’re Only Half Right

How to paraprosdokianize your writing for fun and profit — or not

PLAYING WITH WORDS

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/collage-photo-of-woman-3812743/

Skilled writers are adept at word play, that is, using words in an unexpected way to draw attention, amuse the reader, or toss in some wit or humor. Word play isn’t easy. A lot of writers will reach too hard when they try to be clever.

For example, “In today’s world, people don’t seem to carrot all.” If you decide to be witty and clever, make sure you try hard enough. I stumbled upon a device that might inspire you.

A paraprosdokian (Here’s how to say it) is wordplay wherein the end of a sentence is intended to make you rethink the first part. It uses surprise, humor, or drama to redirect you. Often, a paraprosdokian alters the meaning of a common idea by emphasizing the double-meaning of word or phrase. End result — paraprosdokians get the audience’s attention and usually entertain them. They encourage us to think a little deeper.

Ask not what your country can do for you — you may not love the answer… — M K Pelland

Some writers think puns are the same process, but they aren’t. A pun relies on words that have more than one meaning. Like crane can be a bird or a machine to lift heavy objects. Puns also rely on homonyms — pear/pare, write/right, pie/pi. For example, “My math teacher’s favorite dessert is pi.”

Like a paraprosdokian, a pun relies on diverting your train of thought to an unexpected twist. The pi pun is a stretch and probably a bit clumsy. Here’s a better example: “If you’re experiencing joint pain, you’re probably holding the lit end.”

Here’s a pretty good paraprosdokian: “I am not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” The contrast between where you thought I was going and where I ended up gets your attention.

Some of my favorite paraprosdokians

Two wrongs don’t make a right… but three lefts do.

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” — Irina Dunn, a distinguished Australian educator, journalist and politician, but we like to think it was Gloria Steinem.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

He had a photographic memory, although it was never developed.

“Philadelphia is a wonderful town. I spent a week there one night.” — WC Field

“I saw a sign that said, ‘Watch for children’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’” — Dimitri Martin

“Die, my dear? Why that’s the last thing I’ll do!” — Groucho Marks, a master at paraprosdokians.

“If I am reading this graph correctly — I would be very surprised.” — Stephen Colbert

“On the other hand, she had warts.” — M K Pelland, not a master.

Go ahead and try your hand at this — put your best effort in the comments, I can’t wait to see what you come up with.