I Don’t Make Money from My Self-Published Book

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My grandma’s friend, Jeremia, is crying, because she read my book — Unsplash

Publisher’s note from Maryan Pelland: Here’s an interesting take on the tribulations of being a writer from one of our favorite guest writers, Smillew. He sees things quite differently from the run-of-the-mill points of view. Do you agree or disagree? Tell us in the comments!

I want to be brutally honest with you.

And with myself.

My self-published book is digital trash. No serious publishing house would ever have selected it. Not in a million years.

Seriously.

Not even archeologists from the year 4,000 would want to touch it.

“Yeah, sure, we could learn something about people who lived at the beginning of the 21st century, but it’s a pass. No, seriously, it doesn’t matter. I’ll go back to digging graves. It’s a much more joyful pastime. Bye.”

And contemporary readers agree with them.

No one bought it.

No one got past page four on Kindle Unlimited.

I suspect Amazon shadow-banned it because it was bad publicity for them.

That’s what I would do.

I published it because I was on an ego trip

It was before my time as a blogger.

I was twenty-two and thought the Pulitzer jury would beg me to attend. Maybe I’d get a Booker Prize on top. Everything was possible.

One thing was for sure. My beta readers were dumb. They couldn’t appreciate a modern and transformative art piece like mine. It was their loss.

Same with agents. Not so surprisingly. Agents have been reading the same books over and over. They have been publishing the same books for decades because it was easier to feed their readers with cheap and fast food for the soul.

So, I self-published

And even the crickets stayed home.

I blamed famous writers for stealing the market.

I cried.
I skulked.
And for a few years, I didn’t write anything.

Then, I decided to try blogging

“I will publish a few articles and get thousands of views. Then, I will send a link to my book, and they will all buy it.”

That was the plan.

Rinse and repeat.

I was about to be at the top of the bestseller list.

Except nobody reads my blogs. Nobody even clicked to view them.

The wall of reality shattered my whipped cream of delusion.

It wasn’t a pretty sight.

I blamed famous bloggers for stealing the market.

I cried.
I skulked.
And for a few years, I didn’t write anything.

(sounds familiar?)

Then, I took a writing class

“I don’t think this shitbrick writer can teach ME anything about writing, but let’s go. I’m sure it will be funny — at least.”

I was lucky.

The dumbass writer was good.

Excellent even.

I have no idea how she did it, but she convinced me to listen. She opened my eyes to my shortcomings but also infused my crushed ego with a new hope. She convinced me I could be a writer again. She has a gift for coaching and nurturing. There’s no doubt about that.

I learned some tricks.

I practiced.

I attended a few seminars (with the same writer). She’s a genius. And I subscribed to her paid newsletter.

I learned more tricks.

I mastered some of them.

And slowly, I came back to writing and blogging.

Today, I have 12,000 followers

It doesn’t mean much because this is social media, but it’s something. Some people enjoy what I write.

Genuinely.

I even got paid for my articles. It’s true. I got paid, and not only on Medium. I have a few paid subscribers on Substack. I’m unsure why and prefer not to ask because I don’t want to jinx it.

And I might write another book one day. Maybe a memoir like my friend Annie. Or some romantic dystopian thriller like my writing hero, Marsha.

Don’t give up

Bar a few geniuses, it’s normal to write trash at the beginning. We have all been there. It took me a lot of time to realize it. Some might prefer to live in their delusions and avoid the wall of reality.

I think it’s reasonable.

It was hard to learn my lesson.

The tunnel was long, dark, and scary at times.

But I’m glad I walked through it. I like myself better on this side.

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Smillew is a Medium artiste; as such, he has a Substack newsletter for the connoisseurs and a ko-fi jar for the generous. He’s a true original thinker and usually brings a chuckle to the mix. If you subscribe to his work, you will never find anything ho-hum.

He's also the VP of Imagination @CanYouImagine?