God, Grant Me Respite from Self-appointed Self-improvement Gurus

If you're going to tell a story tell the story—and make it your story

This could be a treatise on how NOT to increase your writing revenue. I trust none of my subscribers fall into these traps—but I offer an admonishment to over-eager others who write to a formula.

It is not impossible to write solid, helpful philosophical musings with real value and staying power. They appear on every writing platform. But the trendy new thing among questionable writers is to cobble together vague pseudo-philosophy to dazzle readers with bull. We're on to you.

For the fifth time today, I read an article about how I can get inside my head, see the light, and solve all the problems of the universe simply by _________________ (fill in the blank with vagaries). Balderdash.

(Let me note that this advice also applies to other genres—inauthentic health advice, parroted parenting advice, rambling relationship tips. Make sure your writing says something.)

I enjoy an inspiring anecdote, meme, or story as much as anyone, but for the love of god, sometimes writers could consider whether they are actually saying something we haven't heard a hundred times.

That thought made me think about the Serenity Prayer. You know the one: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference." 

It has an interesting history. Theologian Reinhold Niebuhr originally wrote it for a small church service in the early 1930s. It was later adopted by Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and went viral.

From the 1930s to the 1970s, Reinhold was a national inspirational figure. He influenced heavy hitters like Martin Luther King Jr., Hubert Humphrey, Jimmy Carter, and Barack Obama. Expressing a thought in an unusual or impactful way often gains the writer a strong and loyal following while the words impact lots of lives. Terrific.

Success is only meaningful and enjoyable if it feels like your own. —Michelle Obama (Well then, why not write what you know?)

On the other hand, a writer can disappear into oblivion with just one too many pseudo-intellectual bloviations filled with platitudes and spurious wisdom. They come across as overused, trite, meaningless, or moralistic. Yeah, cut me off a slice of that.

For example, shall I write you an 8-minute story that goes like this?

To attain true enlightenment, one must meditate upon the color of silence and listen to the texture of time. Only by standing on the head while reading backward in a mirror can the cosmic truth reveal itself. Remember, the journey to wisdom begins by planting imaginary seeds in an invisible garden and harvesting the fruits of your imagination under a full moon made of cheese.

I can—and I will if you insist. But I'd rather write—or read—something with truth, substance, and a unique perspective that draws on real-life experience. Wouldn't you?

George Bernard Shaw Quotes ... Beware of false knowledge; it is more dangerous than ignorance.

Three golden rules for playing fair when writing self-improvement advice with actual wisdom:

Fact-Check and Research: Base your wisdom on well-researched facts and verified information. Avoid making sweeping statements without backing them up. Stop telling us, "Research shows…" or "It's a well-known fact…."  WHAT specific research demonstrates your position? Well-known by whom and based on what?

Be Specific and Practical: Instead of vague generalities, offer precise, actionable advice that readers can apply in their lives. "If you reach deeply into yourself, you will know" is cringe. "I added 5-minute meditations to my daily routine and found that I handled stress better"-- now that's an idea I can wrap my mindfulness around.

Avoid Over-Simplification: Life is complex, and wisdom acknowledges this complexity. Don’t reduce nuanced topics to simplistic, catchy phrases or vague bromides.

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You know who you are, you gurus asking ChatGPT to give you a 500-word post on what is knowledge and how do we know it? We readers can spot you a block away. Then we run in the opposite direction.

I'm begging you, find another gig—or I will start chanting my new favorite Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept my quirks, the courage to embrace my own path, and the wisdom to find respite from self-appointed self-improvement gurus who think they know it all."

Amen, brothers and sisters.