Dealing with Criticism: How to Handle Feedback and Grow as a Writer

Norman Vincent Peale nailed it, "We'd rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism"

Generated @ MidJourney by Dan Pelland

A subscriber requested this story, and I love responding! Our friend @vikidennis (go visit her stack!) said, "I have heard a few writers say they keep a stiff upper lip when it comes to work that does not resonate. I am not there yet. Any advice on how to grow that kind of confidence and ability to move forward?" Let's tackle this—it's something every writer has to contend with.

Dealing with criticism is always challenging, especially for us as writers because we invest so much of ourselves into our work. Bouncing back after a difficult critique or a rejection letter happens best when we see ourselves honestly and frame our work as work, not as an extension of our self-worth or personality.

I find it helpful to reframe criticism as feedback. A therapist once told me that we can solve 90% of our relationship issues by reframing, that is, seeing the situation in a different way. If I shift my mindset, I can take criticism as a growth opportunity rather than a personal attack or a slam. Even the harshest feedback may contain useful insights.

Extract what’s helpful and let go of the rest—remember that the critic, editor, or publisher doesn't know you as a person and isn't commenting on you. Often, they have a job to do, and they are only experiencing the piece of writing you put in front of them and judging it by their current editorial needs, other pieces that may be competing, and their mood of the day.

That all means it's important to separate your work from your identity. Read that again.

It becomes easier to focus on the work, a product which is not the same as you as a person. Criticism is about the writing—and each of us can produce something outstanding one day that meets the exact needs of the editor and produce something a little gamey the next day. Keep walking. Detaching emotionally can truly empower you.

"Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It is the only way to correct our mistakes." —-William Faulkner

Keep your progress as a creative in the font of your mind. Acknowledge how far you've come as a writer. Your worth isn’t tied to a single critique or a set of critiques.

Don't give up your personal power

I believe in listening twice: once to what is said and then to who said it and why. Is the critique coming from someone with expertise or just an opinionated reader? If it's an editor or publisher, I know they have hundreds of submissions, and often a small transgression can cause them to discard my writing.

Consider this very carefully: Filter for useful advice and identify actionable points. Not every critique requires a response or change. You don't have to alter your writing if the changes don't ring true to you. A critique is the response of a single entity based on multiple criteria. As a writer, I get to decide if I am comfortable with changes or if I need to submit my work elsewhere. And you have the same privilege.

Develop resilience and spread your wealth around

Sometimes it feels safer to identify a piece of writing I love. I believe it's Pulitzer caliber. It can't miss. So I send it out or publish it and rest on my laurels. I'm convinced the response will be stupendous, so I sit back and let it ride.

Nope. Don't put all your caviar on one cracker. The more you write, the less any single critique will feel like a make-or-break moment. The more you write, the better your writing will get, and the better chance it has to meet your goal. The more submissions you make or posts you publish, the more likely you'll win. Keep your process going. Set goals. Learn what works.

And above all, celebrate wins. Keep a folder of positive feedback or milestones to remind yourself of your progress. Stephen King says that for years, he kept every rejection letter he got and stuck them on a nail above his typewriter. Maybe it was to torture himself into improving. I'd never do that, but I have always studied my rejections to see what I could earn. Still, celebrating the wins is solid gold.

Bottom line here: if criticism feels overwhelming, take a giant step back and give yourself time to process it. Maybe journal about your feelings. It's good writing practice that keeps your emotions in check.

If you still get too bummed too often

I thrive on social support in the real world and online. So I create and maintain a support community. How?

I join writing and reading groups to surround myself with fellow writers who understand the process and can offer constructive feedback. When people know me, the person, they are likely to offer support rather than judgment. Real-life groups have kept me going through many decades. I may not attend every meeting, but when I am there, interacting with people who share my journey is priceless.

There's a pretty cool free place online called Scribophile—it's kind of the biggest virtual writers' group on Earth. Their gig is to match up writers who can offer very specific, positive reactions to one's writing. It's not everyone's cuppa, but maybe give it a look.

Sometimes, I share my successes and frustrations with supportive friends or family. Make no mistake, I vet these nurturers carefully since I don't want to feel rejected by loved ones. For example, I once wrote an eBook offering advice and inspiration to women. It was stuff from my heart and things I had learned in life. I asked my sister to beta-read it and comment. She said, "Who the hell says you're the expert?"

Never asked for her input again.

You can also learn a lot by studying published authors whose work has something in common with yours. You'll find tons of honest stories about how they weathered harsh reactions and still persevered. Alcott, Grisham, Rowling, King, Orwell, Christie, Seuss, Mitchell, Golding, London. So there.

“A good writer is someone who can write a good sentence, and a great writer is someone who can write a good sentence and accept criticism." —Maya Angelou

A few final words about mindset

I try to focus on the big picture by setting goals, keeping them in front of me, and reminding myself of why I write. I refuse to ever compare myself or my work to anyone else. We are all different and all valuable. That mindfulness allows me to treat every piece of input as a stepping stone toward improving and meeting my goals. I have been writing professionally since Moses lost his shoes, and I still learn something daily. I improve all the time.

If we reign in our anxiety, our inner critics, and even some outer critics, we can keep a strong and positive perspective. That fuels our energy for writing and success. Try some of my suggested strategies. If you still feel overwhelmed every time someone rains on your writing parade, create a routine that doles criticism out measuredly. Set limits and decide when and how often you'll review feedback. That can help avoid burnout.

Once you process in dribs and drabs, make a step-by-step plan to apply the valid suggestions, making sure you only follow those that make sense to you.

Here's a fable about being true to your truths and your sense of writing style. Think about this for a while:

A person had a simple plan to build a house, but each neighbor, friend, and passerby, thought it could be done better. So, wanting to be a people pleaser, the builder makes all the changes. One person said to add a balcony, another recommended a second chimney, and another insisted on different windows and doors. On it went. The house ended up a mismatched and dysfunctional mess. It was uninhabitable. The builder gave up and rented a condo. No one was satisfied, and the builder's vision was lost.

Stay passionate and clear-headed with confidence in yourself as a writer. Write for joy, my friend, and work diligently. Don't sweat the revenue—it'll come. Allow criticism to push you to explore new techniques or styles.

Criticism is part of the writing journey, but it doesn’t define you or your work. Each piece of feedback is a chance to grow stronger, refine your craft, and move closer to your goals. Each piece of writing moves you forward, no matter how it is received. We find writing maturity and embrace criticism.

And never forget that a sense of humor is a huge assist. Why did the writer cross the road? She was supposed to be revising a piece, so she crossed the road to run some errands, go for a quick walk, and maybe buy a new toaster. Ba dum bum.